懂得无常，才不为感情所伤Understanding impermanence spares you a broken heart 现在你对感情的执著，相当于孩童时代对玩具的执著一样，Your current attachment to relationships is comparable to your grasping for toys in your childhood.小时候玩具一旦被别人抢了，自己就哭得天崩地裂，You used to get upset and cry loudly when someone took away your favorite toys.可是当你长大之后，回想当年的幼稚无知，就会觉得特别可笑。Now, looking back, don’t you feel your tantrums in those years wereinfantile? 如今二三十岁的人，学习一下无常观非常好。For people in their twenties and thirties, it is especially helpful to learn about impermanence.因为在这个年龄段，很多人最执著的就是感情，假如感情上出现了变故，自己就会痛不欲生。At this age, love relationships are what they fancy most, and any setbacks in this regard will push them into extreme desperation.但若明白了无常之理，即使没得到或者失去了最心爱的人，心里也会有所准备，But if they have some understanding of impermanence, they will be more mentally prepared if they fail to woo their date’s heart or lose a lover.知道一切皆为“无常”，可用这两个字来控制自己。“Everything is but transitory” will serve as a mantra to help them cope.在我们西藏，很多年轻人因为有信yang，懂得无常观，In Tibet, most young people grow up with religious faith and are familiar with the Buddhist view on impermanence,在面对失恋时，一般不觉得这种痛苦特别大。so when encountering disappointments in love, they are not overly devastated.而汉地的人好像不是如此，他们一直陷于感情的迷网中，无力自拔，非常可怜。In the Han Chinese area, young people are not so well equipped and tend to get caught in the web of infatuation, not knowing how to extricate themselves. It is indeed quite pitiful.其实，爱一个人，往往是建立在占有的基础上。Loving someone is often based on possessiveness.一旦他对你不好，或者他变心了，自己无法再拥有他了，这时候会特别痛苦。Once your lover turns against you, your pain is excruciating because your lover is no longer yours.假如你对他的爱无有条件，只要他好，你就幸福，那彼此之间的关系再怎么样，你也不可能受到刺激或创伤。However, if your love is unconditional—as long as your lover is happy, you are happy—then it is impossible for you to get hurt or upset, no matter how your relationship evolves.所以，爱情到底是爱自己，还是爱对方？这个需要好好观察一下。Ask yourself: Is “love” loving yourself, or loving your lover? You need to take a frank look. 爱情虽说是年轻人很难过的关，Sentimental love is a big deal for young people.但你再过10年、20年回顾人生，可能就会一笑置之。But looking back ten or twenty years later, you may have a good laugh at your obstinate passion,现在你对感情的执著，相当于孩童时代对玩具的执著一样，which is comparable to your grasping for toys when you were little.小时候玩具一旦被别人抢了，自己就哭得天崩地裂，You used to get upset and cry loudly when someone took away your favorite toys.可是当你长大之后，回想当年的幼稚无知，就会觉得特别可笑。Now, looking back, don’t you feel those childish tantrums were infantile?尤其是若能懂得无常，知道我们眼前的东西，实际上刹那刹那都在变化，When we are trained in impermanence, we’ll see that in reality everything is changing from moment to moment.那在你未来的生涯中，一旦感情出现不顺了，遇到突如其来的意外了，也用不着想跳楼自s、吃安m药。Then, if something happens in the future—your relationship sours or a calamity strikes—you will not be so downhearted as to resort to drugs, or worse, hurling yourself from a building.这时候你会明白：不仅仅是自己的爱人，所有人的心都是无常的，You will come to see that not only your lover’s heart, but also everyone’s, is changeable.身体也是无常的，万事万物都是无常的，变化也在情理之中。Our bodies are impermanent, everything in the universe is in constant flux, and change is but the norm of all phenomena. 我就曾遇到过一个人，她听说老公有外遇，Once I met a woman who found out her husband was having an affair.专门从汉地飞到香港，躲在七十多公里以外的地方，准备抓她的老公。She flew from the mainland to Hong Kong and hid in a place some distance away from a building, where she intended to catch evidence of her husband’s infidelity.她心里特别特别痛苦，说老公以前很疼她，现在却变成了这样，问我应该怎么办。She asked me what she should do, as she was utterly heartbroken that her once-doting husband should turn against her.我只能告诉她：“万法都是无常的，他过去对你好，现在对你不好，这就是无常。I told her, “All phenomena are impermanent. That your husband changed from loving you to not loving you is called impermanence.而你，以前可能贪执他，但过一段时间后彻底失望了，不但不再爱他，甚至还想s了他，这也是一种无常。As for you, you changed from having a strong attachment to him, to being disappointed by him, to hating him, or perhaps, even seeking to kill him. These are also displays of impermanence.所以，有了无常的话，什么不可能的都会成为可能，你也用不着太执著！”Change is constant; anything can happen. Therefore, you should try to lessen your attachment!”一个人若能了悟万法无常，对感情的执著就不会过火，Accepting the ephemeral nature of all things, a person will not go crazy over love relationships.不管出现任何变化，都不会受到深深的困扰。Emotional ups and downs will no longer deliver devastating blows. 索达吉堪布《做，才是得到》Khenpo Sodargye《Achieve by Doing》
